panda and penguin attack
by GigaRox
Summary: Ok, this is about the Naru gang being kidnaped by a bunch of penguin and pandas who are awfully strange. The gang travles all over the world with these charecters and meet some interesting people, plus some talking plants. Its crazy so beware. P!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I have been procrastinating about posting this fic and now I am.

J: ARE YOU HAPPY NOW LILYWRITER06

L: shut up you weirdo and start the story

J: fine, I do not own Naruto.

- In Naruto's dream-

"Naruto! We, the panda people, are going to kidnap you and you friends." Hooded cloak person #1.

"Not unless we, the penguin people, do it first!" Hooded cloak person #2.

Both hooded cloak people laugh evilly.

-End dream-

Naruto wakes up and looks at all the penguin people standing in his room. He puts on a confused look for a second then screams like a girl. Just then, thousands of ninja pandas burst through the windows and doors. The penguins and pandas engaged in a fierce battle. 'This would be awsome to watch if I had some popcorn. No, Ramen. Yes!' Naruto thought as two ninja pandas knocked him unconscious. The penguins turned into hawiian/alaskan dancers, and carried naruto out of the room.( nkay pretend something similar happened to the following people: Neji, Hinata, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Ino, Sakura, Lee, Kiba, Tenten, Choji, and Shino. Thank you.) Naruto woke up to find that he and the other 11 ninja where tied up. He opened his mouth to say something only to find a blue penguin pointing a bazooka at the 12 of them. "How in the world would a penguin get a bazooka?" Kiba asked nervously. "SHUT UP, plus I knows a guy." The blue penguin said. "Which guy?" sakura asked curiously raising one eyebrow. The blue penguin sighed. "If you must know I'm a neighbor with a guy. Who delivered mail to a guy. Whom's wife works with a man. A waitress served that. Who knows a kid. Whose father works for the CIA." The penguin told them matter of factly. Everybody sweat dropped. A few seconds later Naruto noticed they where on a boat. "We're on a boat!" Naruto said quite pleased with himself. "Actually, a cruise liner." The penguin said smiling. (if penguins can smile.) Naruto felt a small tug at his rope. He turned his head to see a small panda bear trying to untie his rope. "don't say a thing."(1) the small panda said with an icy tone that could rival Gaara's. as soon as the panda chewed through his knot Thousands of ninja panda leapt over the sides of the cruise liner onto the boat. The penguin with the bazooka started firering at the pandas. The pandas took over the cruise liner and sailed it at almost warp speed. They crashed into shore. Everyone's rope broke as they sailed through the air. Sasuke landed hard on his stomach, and Hinata landed on his back. Neji, who some how managed to land on his feet, caught Tenten before she could hit the ground, but let Lee drop. Ino landed on Shikamaru. Kiba landed next to Choji. Sakura landed in the water, and naruto, with the small panda clinging to him, landed on the cement. Shino well he was gone all together. Pandas vaulted of the side of the sinking ship, as some dramatically exclaimed that the crew MUST go down with the ship. The pandas on land spun a round and were wearing a sombrero and ponchos. They started to sing. (la cucaracha tune.(sp?)) "shake our maracas! Shake our maracas! Wait we are all in France." The pandas did a change of costume and now they all had Pointy mustaches. They then donned a French accent. "Children we must go. Get a map of the world that is. Therefore, we can finish our kidnapping. Alas, Au revoir." The head panda said. The group of pandas ran of into the distance. Leaving behind 11 stunned shinobi. "well this is unexpected." Ino said still sitting on Shikamaru. "Ino, GET OFF ME!" Shikamaru yelled. (K, from this point on I will just call him Shika.) "Bonjur!" a girl said running up to them. "Nani?" the 11 shinobi asked in unison. "_you don't speak French well it's a good thing I can speak Japanese._"(2) The girl said tilting her head and smiling. "_Um yeah so what's your name?_" Choji asked. _"me I'm sherry and I'm part of the p.p."_ The girl stated plainly. "_And p.p. would stand for?_" Tenten asked somewhat irritated. "_p.p. stands for panda patrol._" Sherry told them sticking her tong out in a childish manner. Of course, everyone freaked out when she said panda. "_yeah I know, but if you meet any one who says there part of the p.p.n.p.p. don't talk to them_." Sherry said nodding her head. "_And p.p.n.p.p. would stand for?_" Lee asked "_Penguin patrol not panda patrol._" Sherry said defiantly. "SHINOBI PEOPLE!" the panda leader screamed running at full speed, along with his followers, toward them.(3) they stopped inches before the 12. ( I counted Sherry.) "we checked you into a hotel!" The panda to the right of the panda leader said. "Yeah but we only booked 6 rooms!" the panda to the right of the panda leader said. "so I'm goanna pair you up! And if any of you object well there will be blood." The panda leader said. Moreover, the pairings are...

J: yep well you people need to vote on room pairings.

1: at first I was going to give him a name but then I decided against it.

2: ok your probably not going to find a French person that can speak Japanese running up to you.

3:notice that the pandas do not have to change languages and every body can under stand them.


	2. YAY COOKING!

J: well because I do not have any thing better to do I'm going to create a TV. Show.

L: when are you going to grow up?

J: NEVER! I'm a kid at heart.

"Uh...boss?" one panda whispered in our the leaders

ear. "WHAT IS IT YOU RUIEND MY DRAMTIC

MOMENT!" The panda leader yelled. "Our show comes on in two minutes." The pandas said

Whispering amongst each other. The panda leader screamed, and his followers took this as a queue. The

Pandas tied up the 11 shinobi and pulled a 42-inch plasma screen TV. From behind a pole. They turned it

On and flipped to a cooking show. All the pandas sat in front of the TV. As a very cheesy girl appeared on

Screen. "Hello every one! I'm your host and today we shall be making choughpoiosonchough soup!" she

Said. The pandas cheered and the shinobi struggled against the chakra bound ropes. "First fill your pan

With water, and let it come to a boil!" she said doing this action on the television. The pandas, who some

How got a kitchen in the middle of a square, did the action too. "Next take your choughpoisonous

chough turkey base and add it to you water. Let this dissolve, but in the mean time get the contents that go

Into your soup ready." She said picking up a huge butchers knife. The pandas nodded understandingly

In addition, added the required amount of turkey base to the mixture. The shinobi's eyebrows twitched, this show

Was pure torture? From the hostess's fake personality to what they where making. "Now that you have all

Of your contents ready put them into the pot and cover the pot!" she said covering the pot. The pandas,

Who had upgraded to a cauldron, added the contents, the panda that was stirring cackled evilly. They

Covered the cauldron with a large lid and turned to face the shinobi. "Now who would like to be the first?

To try our delicious soup of DOOM! I mean goodness!" the panda leader said clapping their hands

together. The shinobi looked all 0.o (we.are.so.dead)!

The timer rang and the pandas uncovered the pot

Revealing TEMARI AND GAARA? The pandas where all 0.o (what.the.heck.is.going.on.) but then

They covered the pot again quickly so Gaara could not kill them. "Um.. Hold on one second." The panda

leader said. The pandas did a group huddle they whispered a few things and one of the pandas yelled

"BREAK!" the pandas got into a football formation and the quarter back panda called out. "43-62-98 SET

HIKE!" all the pandas took off running in the opposite direction of the shinobi. The set up a military wall

And pulled a cord which uncovered the pot Gaara and Temari were in. Gaara burst out of the pot and glared

At the shinobi, he was soaking wet and pissed. "WHO THE HECK SUMMOND ME HERE?" He yelled at the 11tied up shinobi.

J: there was no point to that chapter I just wanted to do a cooking show.

L: IDIOT! I want to know what happens with the room pairings.

J: ooooh that I'll get to it.


	3. dose anybody read these things?

J: ok so lily-writer06 isn't mean like I make her but I need somebody to bicker and squabble with so I chose her.

L: hey queen of penguins you mad me look bad.

J: the readers don't know I'm the queen of penguins.

L: they do now. On with the story.

J: WHAT! THAT'S MY LINE!

Gaara kills them all and goes off to a tropical paradise.

THE END

(Somewhere sitting in her nice little office justanarutofan sat, when her cast burst through the window and beat her up until she agreed to continue the story. So here we go.)

"Well?" Gaara said tapping his foot. A tank drove up

to the 13 shinobi and a purple penguin popped his

head out. "FIRE!" he shouted and disappeared back

into the tank. Thousands of bullets rained down on

the shinobies.

(I'm goanna go off topic, WAY off topic. A guy said he was goanna publish my notebook of random thoughts. However, you people never read it so you wouldn't know. Ok time to get back on topic.)

All the shinobi screamed and ran for their lives. (Huh

how did their ropes break?) The shinobi hid behind a

large water fountain and they panted heavily. When

they noticed a beautiful maiden...er (Sasuke's 'bout ta

strangle mah. so scratch that last sentence.) The

shinobi spotted a small tent; they walked over to it,

and pulled off the cover to reveal the author sitting at

her computer typing. "Do you guys mind, I'm trying

to decide your fate here." She said still busy typing.

A large hole opened up beneath the shinobi and they

all fell down...

Down...

Down...

Down...

Down...

Down...

Down into the dark abyss.

J: I know what you're all thinking why am I writing a bunch of downs.

L: BECAUSE YOURE THE QUEEN OF PHSYCOS!

J: WHAT LILYWRITER06 JUST SAID!


	4. Jamin jamacin elvs!

J: actually I'm typing this in school so…

L: your not supposed to?

J: Shh we're wasting time uh… 4th chapter start.

* * *

All the Shinobi landed hard on a cold surface. Naruto leapt up and yelled "FREZZING!" a sudden Jamaican accent cut in on his yelling. "Well of course it's cold you nit wit. You're at da north pole, mon." The Shinobi turned to see an elf with dread locks and a colorful hat staring at them. "What? Do you want calamari, mon?" the elf asked. The Shinobi just stared at the elf when somewhere in the distance another Jamaican accent popped up. "Somebody's got **CALAMARI, MON**!" a bunch of Jamaican elves poured out of buildings screaming "**CALAMARI PARTY, MON!**" and the first elf yelled. "**IT AINT A CALAMARI PARTY WID OUT CRAB RACIN', MON!**" a racetrack popped up in the middle of the crowed and elves started betting money on different crabs. An elf shot a gun signaling the beginning of the race. "The blue crab surges ahead but gets cut off by the green crab and the yellow crab is quickly closing the gap, oh my goodness the purple crab comes out of nowhere and wins the race, mon." one Jamaican elf jumps up and down. Screaming "**YOU MADE ME A RICH MON, CRAZY PURPLE CRAB, MON!**" the Shinobi looked at each other and whispered, "These elves are crazy." "**WE HEARD DAT, MON!**" The elves screamed. "Oho ho ho don't treat our new guests so mean, little elves. You should all get back to work." Santa said and started to sing Carol of the Bells. The elves instantly perked up and sung the next line, in a Jamaican accent of course. The elves formed a line and went back to work sing the song carol of the bells.

The elves marched and sang the tune dancing along and cleaning up after their calamari party. They ran the other way shouting and screaming the rest of the song at the top of their lungs. The Shinobi sweat dropped at the elves behavior. "You're kidding me, right?" Sasuke asked. (I am NOT good at emo people like Sasuke, and Neji.) "Sadly no, all my elves are Jamaican. They're hilarious though, some times they can get on your nerves." Santa said sighing. "Anyway the misses and I just made cookies, so please come in side our beautiful hut!" Santa finished, smiling and walking to a grass hut in the middle of a melted circle of grass. A, skinny, silver haired lady in an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, yellow polka dot bikini sat on a lawn chair tanning herself. " Who do we have here, honey?" the lady asked. "Just some kids who landed here on accident is all, sweetie." Santa Clause said. "That's nice, but are you sure it's safe for them to be here at the North Pole?" Mrs. Clause asked. " Of course it is and they look like the kid who landed here a few weeks ago." Santa clause said with a twinkle in his eye. "You're actually running behind on production, so just let them spend some time with the elves." Mrs. Clause said. "Yes, yes you're right, you 12 enjoy yourselves." Santa Clause said disappearing inside the hut with the Mrs. "That was definitely weird" the Shinobi said in unison. A conga line of elves went past being led by a boy about the age of 5 with spiky purple hair, pupil less blue slowly fading to white eyes wearing ninja clothes and an elf hat. They all sung 'put the lime in the coconut' "OI, COME JOIN THE LINE, MON!" The boy yelled. Naruto shrugged and joined the back of the conga line. "Well, nothing ventured nothing gained, am I right?" Kiba asked joining the conga line, he was soon followed by an over joyed Lee and quite a few elves. Every one else just stared with their mouth's wide open as the long line went past. "Well we better follow, if we don't want to lose them." Sakura said. The conga line went into a building pumping with music and flashing lights. The other Shinobi tried to follow but were stopped by the bouncer, a slightly bigger elf. "Do you have an invitation, mon?" the bouncer asked. "Um… we were with the conga line but we stopped for calamari." Temari lied. "Mm… a'right, mon, you can go in." The bouncer said letting them pass. Naruto, Kiba, and Lee talked to the kid who was leading the conga line in the middle of the dance floor. The other Shinobi ventured over to them. "Oi, guys this kid says he's from a third branch in the Hyuga clan." Kiba said. "Hi, I'm Hiro." The kid said. "Well there was a third branch but they died out years ago." Neji said.

* * *

J: and I'll just leave it there.

L: sweet.


End file.
